There are times when I just want to leave everything behind and go to a place where no one knows me.

Just like what Kafka did when he was fifteen.

But I can't.

How I wish it's an easy thing to undertake.

But it's not.

How I wish I have the strength and determination to do such a thing.

But I don't.

The most that I can do is shut myself out from the rest of the world even for just one day.

To be consumed with all the thoughts that are hammering through my mind.

To allow myself to feel the pain.

To just wallow for a moment.

Drop my guard and let the walls down.

I was about to that last weekend but some other thought stopped me.

I am scared.

Scared of what I can do to myself.

And afraid of what may come after.


We are seriously in dire need of a celebration. :)
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

I can't believe it's been almost a year since we started. I can't even believe that we've made it this far.

I'm at a loss for words; I can't express how much joy and fear I'm feeling. Yes, I am overjoyed but I am also full of fear because I know what we have can be taken away from us anytime.

But for what it's worth, I am happy and I won't have it any other way. :)
Hey you.

I am in pain. So great I can't even find a word to describe it. I'm trying to search my heart what's causing this pain but there's just nothing that could justify it. I guess it's my mind again. Maybe, that's what you always tell me. I try not to think about anymore. My mind and heart are completely disconnected from each other, I try to busy myself with other things but my heart... It's just there. I can't ignore the fact that it's still in pain. Hurting. The pain gets worse at times, it's as if I can already feel its intensity on my skin. It's so real I can feel the physical pain. And that's when I notice that I've never really stopped crying. The tears are just tucked away, but they're lurking in the shadows. Tell me that you love me, and they're bound to fall. No, I am not complaining. I am simply letting you know that right now, I am on an emotional rollercoaster. I am not stable, thus the mood swings. I am not okay. I am far from being okay. I would no longer ask you for patience or understanding. All I need you to do is hold my hand. Wait for me. And stay with me. I cannot promise you good days all the time. There will always be days like these - emotional breakdowns here and there, but I do know that there are also days when the sun comes out and I hope that you'll be there through it all.

I love you, always.

    daily chatter

    the owner

    Call me WandergirL.

    Wandergirl is a dreamer. She dreams of travelling the world. Since she can't do that yet, she travels vicariously - through the experiences of people who have been able to see the world. She watches a lot of travel shows in her spare time, only to break her heart. She also dreams of being the queen of her big and clean kitchen someday. She loves to experiment with recipes during her spare time and lets her friends taster her culinary masterpieces. She's a self-proclaimed neurotic with a knack for the beach, books, shrink sessions and everything in between.

    trunk files

    November 2010
    October 2010
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    August 2010


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